Original Sin
by organized disorder
Summary: [Oneshot, Jin and Pelligri] Six months before XSIII, Pelligri reflects on the choices she made all those years ago while in the midst of a forbidden relationship.


**Original Sin**

She'd stopped thinking about all the rules she was breaking. Or all the sins that she was committing…by now, her soul was probably damned to Hell forever. Pelligri turned over on the bed, eyes falling on her sleeping lover. Oblivious to everything Jin Uzuki slept, mouth slightly open with small snores coming from him. Pelligri smiled, he looked like a little child when he was sleeping.

_I shouldn't be doing this._ How many times had that flashed though her mind? But she couldn't stop, ever since that clandestine meeting half a year ago she'd given into temptation, betraying everything that she had sworn to uphold…but really, what was there to uphold? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

_I chose the wrong path. I chose the wrong man, I chose the wrong everything. _She sat up then, wrapping the sheet around herself, still looking at Jin. _Now I have to scrape for any sort of happiness, and doing so risks my life._ Even though she wanted to stay longer, to just go back into Jin's arms and let the world break down to just the two of them once more…she couldn't. Silently she left the bed, the sheet still wrapped around her.

_I have to get back before the shuttle leaves._ The rendezvous this time had been the Uzuki family home on Second Miltia, a whim on her part. It'd not been lust that made her come, but the urge in her heart to be near someone who at least cared about her. Though guilt hung heavily on her during these meetings, Jin deserved better than what they were doing, deserved a better woman. Stopping only once to look at her sleeping lover again, she hurried to the clothes strewn on the floor, discarding the sheet along the way.

* * *

She made the shuttle on time, sliding into a back corner seat. She was in civilian clothing; at the station she'd get on a Hyams craft, changing back into her uniform. Though more and more these days, she felt as if she were putting on chains every time she put that dress back on. Chains that she had adorned herself willingly, and had once seen as a badge of honor…Pelligri's lips twitched in a bitter smile at the irony of it all.

_If I had any sense I'd end this now. Or have already done so, or even better; never have started this in the first place! _But as the past fifteen years indicated, when it came to sense, she was sorely lacking in that department. _I let fear dictate my actions, I ran away like a child, and now it's time to pay the piper._ Sure Jin had been…well, still was an oddball, his passion for those books and ways long outdated a bit jarring, but at heart he was a good person. He hadn't deserved what Margulis had done to him, what she had done to him.

_I can't cry that I was tricked into it, because I knew what I was doing._ But she had fallen for the lies, the promises of stability and peace, of justice. And Margulis…once again, she'd let her fears rule. Margulis had seemed so…steady, compared to Jin and so despite her own instincts screaming warnings about the matter, she'd followed him. And now…

_The end draws neigh, it seems. _Pelligri laid her head on the shuttle window, looking out into space. Ormus was on thin ice, and it was threatening to crack. Nobody wanted to talk about it, but it was the truth. What was planned…what hopefully would happen…was their last chance. Never had there been more clearer examples of good overcoming evil, in this case the good being Jin and his friends, the evil Ormus…than the past two years. Or such an example between two men...

* * *

Her thoughts had trailed off, and she'd fallen asleep. The announcement of the shuttle arriving at its stop had awoken her; on automatic she'd picked up her bag and left the shuttle, boarding the Hyams one. Once onboard she'd gone straight to the bathrooms, not stopping. Mindlessly she'd stripped and bathed, standing under the dryer before putting on her Inquisitor clothing. Then she'd moved over to the sinks, just the barest hint of makeup, combing out her hair. A flash of movement, and she'd looked up, senses on alert…

And then she'd just stopped, staring at the mirror. At first she thought it was a stranger, but then common sense had interceded, it wasn't a stranger, it was she but wait a minute…when…when…

_When did I become so old! _Technically she wasn't, she was only 36…still young. But she didn't look her age…nor did she feel like it. In a type of horrified awe, Pelligri lifted her hands to her face, fingers grazing her cheeks. The skin was still smooth and supple, but lines had appeared…underneath her eyes, around her mouth, they were faint but they were there…her hair was dull, lackluster. And unless something was wrong with her dress, it was looser than before. Pelligri pulled back slightly, looking down at herself. Then as if in a dream, she started to strip once more, soon clad in only her bra and panties. Not daring to take off any more she turned around, walking over to the floor-length mirror in the bathroom corner.

_When…did I become so skinny? _She had always been tiny, from childhood, never had to worry a bit about gaining any weight but this… Pelligri closed her eyes, remembering a precious time, the feel of Jin's hand moving up her back, his voice…

_I can see your ribs. You need to put on some more weight._

_I'm naturally skinny remember Jin? I haven't gained or lost a pound in years._

_I'm a doctor. I know naturally thin when I see it. And you're pushing underweight, Pelligri._

"At least you care, Jin." Pelligri murmured sadly, opening her eyes. "But the one I wanted to care, doesn't care at all." She bent down, picking up the discarded dress. "And now I wonder…should I even bother to try anymore? It's pointless now, all he cares about is the mission…and revenge." She looked down at the black material.

_One could say that he never cared for me at all, or that I was a means to an end, a way to hurt Jin._ Woodenly she started to put it back on, not looking at herself again. _If he finds out though…let's see, what would be the list of sins? Oh yes. Sex before marriage, even more damning is the fact that I'm sleeping with the enemy. And I'm sure that his masculine pride would be offended, if he even did bother to look at me that way…_ A bitter smile quirked on Pelligri's lips, how better a way to leave, if she could, by throwing her affair with Jin in Margulis's face. But she couldn't leave…alive, that was. And if you bothered to believe the priests…not even in the afterlife would she be free.

_I lost my faith a long time ago. So perhaps that means my soul will be sent to Hell. But guess what, I'm already in it. Fire and brimstone pale in comparison to the anguish that I suffer daily. _The heels of her boots clicked against the tile as she walked towards the door. Exiting the bathroom she walked down the hall, ignoring the salutes of the guards she passed them, lost in her thoughts.

_I'm a coward once more. I don't have the courage to try and break free…to stand up for myself. All I can do…is sin, and keep sinning, and revel in my sin…_


End file.
